Jack and the League of Idiots
by awsum-loser
Summary: After being forced out of his basement by his mother, Jack meets a dull looking girl who gives him the idea to make a team. But there’s a problem, the all girl team can’t stand one another. How will poor Jack survive and still manage to take over the worl
1. Meet the idiots

Jack and the League of Idiots

Yes, I'm starting ANOTHER story! Lol! But I've had this idea for a while now and REALLY wanted to write it. So basically I made up a few stereotypical characters that are all girls and made them work with Jack. It's mostly humor, but if somebody ACTUALLY wants any romance or something I may throw some of that in here too! This is just basically for fun so if you want me to keep going you NEED to review! Reviews mean a lot much to me, so PLEASE review!

Summary: After being forced out of his basement by his mother, Jack meets a dull looking girl who gives him the idea to make a team. But there's a problem, the all girl team can't stand one another. How will poor Jack survive and still manage to take over the world?

Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown! Gasp! All I really own are my characters Beth, Brittany, Kristen, and Eden. But I don't think that's something to be too proud of…

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There was a knock on Jack's bedroom door "Honey, it's eleven! Time to get up!" It was the voice of his attentive mother. (A.N.: I have no idea how she looks, so imagine her however you want to!)

"Mom! I'm sleeping!" He whined "Go away!"

"Dear, it's not good for you to sleep all day. Now get up, get dressed, and go play outside with your friends! You can stay out of that basement of yours for one day."

Jack groaned "But mom-"

"Don't make me come in there young man!" After this command Jack could hear his mother's footsteps as she walked away and went down the stairs. Being the mama's boy that he was he couldn't help but listen to her. He felt for clothes on his floor and sniffed them to tell if they were clean or not. If they didn't smell _that_ bad they were considered clean. After he was fully dressed and applied his makeup it was almost twelve. He then left his messy room and headed down stairs to the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm hungry!" He announced as he entered the large chefs kitchen. Sure enough his mother was cooking breakfast.

"Just a minute, honey!" She answered sweetly "Now don't you think about going into that basement! You're gonna spend the day outside with your friends! You could use the fresh air!"

"Why can't you just let me be me! Just accept me for who I am! I can make my own decisions you know! I don't need you or anyone else for that matter!" After his _bold_ statement he took a set at the breakfast table.

"That's nice dear, but you're going to have a nice fun day outside with all your little friends." His mom said calmly as she placed a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her obedient son.

"Why must you torment me like this? Do you ever think about me! How your choices effect me?" Jack took a bite of his eggs after he asked these oh so meaningful questions "Hey, mom, can you get me some orange juice?" He asked with his mouth still full.

"Yes, honey."

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Jack sat on his front porch alone. It was a bright sunny day and all he wanted was to be in his dingy basement thinking up evil schemes so he could take over the world. "This should be considered child abuse." Jack said to himself as he flopped on his back.

"Like, oh em gee! Can it really be you?" Jack quickly sat up to see a short girl (she couldn't be more than five feet tall) standing before him. "It-It really is you! I can't believe it! Why are you outside? Why am I asking you that when I should be asking you if you'll marry me?" The girl was very eccentric.

"Um… who are you?" Jack asked the girl. She had long brown hair in two messy pigtails. Her skin was pale and covered in faint freckles. She wore a pale blue button up shirt and a darker blue skirt that went to her knees. To top it off she wore hideous black dress shoes with frilly cream colored socks pointing out and huge thick rimed red glasses. All in all she was a mess.

"My name is Beth Spicer!" She shouted happily.

"Hey that's my-"

"I know it's your last name too! See I did have a different stupid last name, but it was stupid so I begged and begged my mom to let me change it. She said if I got straight A's for three years I'd get to change my last name. Of course that was no problem for me! I love school! But do you know what I love more than school?" The girl peered straight into Jack's crimson eyes waiting for an answer. Each second that he took to think Beth inched closer and closer to him.

"Um… Is it candy? Everyone loves candy!"

"No, silly! I love you!" Beth's face was now only a couple of inches in front of Jack's. He immediately went red and scooted his face away.

Now it was definitely child abuse.

"Well I guess that's why you changed your last name to Spicer… So, um, why do you love me so much? I know that I'm hot and- "

"I don't just love you for your fabulous looks! I love you because I know you're going to take over the world some day! I know you're going to beat those stupid Xiaolin losers for sure! And when you do take over the world I want to rule it by your side!" Beth began to look off into the distance daydreaming about Jack and herself together.

Jack ignored her comment about wanting to rule the world by his side "So you really think I could take over the world?"

This brought her out of her dream world "Of course you could! That is if you had the right plan."

Jack gave her a funny look "So what exactly is 'the right plan'?"

Beth smiled "Well all you need is a team. You'd get so much farther if you had people to boss around and stuff. I know! Me and you can make a team _together_ and-"

"I just got the greatest idea in all of my life! I could put together a team and I'd boss them around! I'd make them help me take over the world! Muhahaha!" Jack began to laugh his 'evil' laugh.

"Um, Jack, I just came up with that." Beth pointed out "But I see how you could mix it up." She added.

"I wasn't done yet!" Jack shouted. Then he took a couple of seconds to think. "My team is going to be a team of super hot babes!" He shouted proudly.

"That's brilliant, Jack!" Beth commented, though I doubt she believed it. "Am I on the team?"

"Um… sure." Jack said getting up. "Find as many hot chicks as you can that'll join my team! I'm off to find people on my own!" The truth was Beth really freaked Jack out. The only reason he let her on his team was he was afraid of how she'd react if he said no.

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The next day Jack sat in his basement with (could it really be?) four girls. They all sat around a large white table with all of Jack's Shen Gong Wu in the middle of it. The day before Jack had no luck with finding even one "hot chick", girl, person, or even thing to join his team. But luckily Beth had found three girls that agreed to join.

Jack looked over the three girls that Beth had brought over. One was a redhead like him, another a brunette, and the other was a bleach blonde. They all were clearly prettier than Beth, but that didn't really take much. Anyway Jack decided to hurry up and learn their names so they could began his awesome-evil-take-over-the-world plan "Since you all know who I am, why don't-"

"Yeah, um, who are you again? Was I supposed to know?" The brunette asked as she looked side to side nervously. It seemed the other two didn't know who he was either since they both gave him "huh?" kind of looks.

"I can't believe you don't know who I am! Beth knows just about everything about me and yet her friends don't even know who I am!" Jack shouted in frustration. Just when he thought he had a fan club…

"Ewww! Gross! I'm not friends with Beth! She's so- so- bleh!" The bleach blonde shouted making a disgusted face as she said "bleh".

"I'm right here!" Beth announced, but it wasn't like it was hard to see that she was there.

The bleach blonde turned to her "Well it's not like you didn't know." She said in a mock sweet tone.

"Beth, just tell me their names." Jack said taking a sit at the center of the table. He was feeling down now since he didn't really have a fan club.

"I'd love to Jackie! Blondie over here is Brittany Smith. The redhead in black is Kristen Lovejoy, she's my best friend!(Kristen rolled her eyes at this remark) Oh, and that girl with the brown hair is Eden Heath. She's just a slob." Her voice went from offended when she was talking to Brittany to overjoyed while she was talking to Jack.

Jack set his eyes on Kristen "So Kristen, I see you like black. So do I." Jack said moving closer to Kristen. He was trying to act smooth.

"I don't just like black, I'm goth." Kristen responded in her raspy voice. Jack moved away from her after hearing her speak. Her voice scared him…

"Poser!" Eden shouted from across the table. Kristen turned to her to glare but "Well, Jack! Don't you think that was just a little mean? I'm sureKristen isn't _that_ much of a poser!"

"Huh? What did I say?" Jack asked clearly confused.

Kristen continued to glare at Eden "I already hate you."

"Can you people just get on with this! I can't believe I actually agreed to work in some loser's basement… If I wasn't getting paid…." Brittany yelled angrily.

"What!" Jack cried out in shock "I have to pay her?"

"No silly! You have to pay them all! But don't worry, you don't have to pay them until _we_ get some money!" Beth answered in an overly happy tone.

"Whatever." Jack said "Does anyone have any ideas for getting more Shen Gong Wu?"

"I do! I do! Jackie, I have tons of ideas!" Beth shouted, but the other three looked clueless.

"None of you know what Shen Gong Wu are, huh?" Jack asked knowing the answer. After he asked this of course Beth was shouting about how she knew what they were, but Jack chose to ignore her "Well, Shen Gong Wu are magical objects that do stuff, like shot lightning, and fire, and move stuff- and- and- do a lot of other stuff too!"

"That makes so much cense!" Said Eden. She was astonished.

"Really? I didn't think I explained it that well." Jack said as he rubbed his neck.

"You're so cute when you're wrong! She was only jay kaying!" Beth said with a huge smile. Jack gave her a questionable look. "She was just kidding!" Beth rephrased.

"Huh? Who was kidding? I was serious!" Eden responded negligently.

"Well I can see this is quite the smart group." Kristen sarcastically remarked.

"Really?" Jack asked for the second time.

"Sarcasm." Kristen replied.

"People, you may have no lives, but I can't sit here all day! I have a social life that I would like to attend to, so hurry up and get this freakin' show on the road!" Brittany shouted in a very annoyed tone. As if on cue Jack's Shen Gong Wu detector began to go wild.

Jack pulled it out of one of his coat pockets "Hey, looks like you all are in luck. You're about to see the great Jack Spicer win another Shen Gong Wu! Muhaha-"

"If you can win Shen Gong Wu on your own then why do you need us?" Kristen asked.

"Well that's simple- Shut up!" Jack said as he pulled the Golden Tiger Claws out of a drawer. "Now lets go beat those Xiaolin losers!" And of course after Jack said this Beth cheered him on…

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Yay! Chapter one! This is pretty long, well compared to my other stories. So please review! If you have any ideas, comments, or suggestions please tell me! It'd mean a lot!


	2. The loserific showdown

Thanks for the awesome reviews! Please review this chapter too! Thanks again!

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The four Wudai Worriers flew through the air on the back of 40 foot Dojo. They were heading to Australia to get the newly revealed Shen Gong Wu, the Lore Eye.

"Hey Dojo, what does the Lore Eye do exactly?" Asked the blonde cowboy, Clay.

"The Lore Eye lets you see through someone else's eyes; you can spy on anyone without them knowing. Oh boy, does that bring back some bad memories…" Dojo trailed off and started mumbling about Dashi and something about a tuba…

"This sounds like a most powerful Shen Gong Wu, we mustn't let the forces of evil retrieve it! You must go faster, Dojo!" Omi announced. Dojo sent him a dirty look after this command.

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Jack and his new team had made it to Australia using the Golden Tiger Claws. They all reacted differently after using the magical Shen Gong Wu for the first time. Beth was in aw, Eden looked over the Golden Tiger Claws suspiciously, Kristen looked sick, and Brittany was unfazed.

"Like, oh em gee! I can't believe I, Beth Spicer, got to actually use an actual Shen Gong Wu and with the actual Jack Spicer!" Beth anxiously shouted.

"Hello, we all did." Brittany pointed out rudely.

Eden handed the Golden Tiger Claws back to Jack. "Um, you all saw the purple swirling portal thingy too? And it's how we all got here, right? And I didn't get slipped anything… right?" She looked around hesitantly.

"Yes." Kristen answered sharply. She then crossed her arms. They were on a radiant Australian beach. They were a distance from the crowed end of the beach; only a few people were close enough to even see them. "Can we hurry this up? We're on a sunny beach, and I don't _do_ sunny beaches."

"Well that'd be pretty sick if ya' did." Eden commented.

Brittany smiled her 'sweet' smile. "Krisy, darling, get over it!" She yelled angrily. Kristen's enraged glare went from Eden to Brittany.

Jack stared at the three girls with one thought going through his head '_This is so hot! Maybe if I just let them argue they'll get into a real cat fight!' _These thoughts soon stopped when Beth stepped in. "Girls! Girls! We can't fight! We all need to work together for the good of the team!" Beth preached. There was a short silent pause after she said this.

"But aren't we supposed to be the, uh, 'bad guys'?" Eden asked with a confused look on her face.

Beth didn't want to answer this question so instead she decided to change the subject "Come on! We have to find that Shen Gong Wu before those Xiaolin losers do!"

Kristen gave Beth a questionable look as everyone else spilt up to find the Shen Gong Wu "Xiaolin losers?"

"Oh, they're just Jack's enemies! They _only_ have magical powers over elements and stuff!" Beth said in her cheery voice.

Kristen gave her a shocked look "So it didn't cross your mind that, _maybe_, I would have liked to know about these whacked out element people _before_ I had to fight them- we do have to fight them, right?"

"No, silly! Well, if you have a Shen Gong Wu and one of the Wudai- er- Xiaolin losers touch it then you have to showdown with them using a different Shen Gong Wu, but I doubt anyone other than me will find any Shen Gong Wu!" Beth enthusiastically said in one breath. "Did I mention they have tons of Shen Gong Wu?" She added breathlessly.

Kristen narrowed her eyes and sarcastically remarked the word "Great." She mentally decided to avoid all Shen Gong Wu and Beth.

After about five minutes of looking for the Shen Gong Wu and listening to Kristen's complaining Brittany actually found the Lore Eye. "This is going to take forever! I haven't found anything other than a beer can and this tacky plate thing!" Brittany yelled, obviously frustrated.

Beth looked over the 'tacky plate thing' that Brittany had set to the side. The edges were made of a dark blue shade of marble. On the marble were several small black bumps that surrounded a round mirror. "Brittany, that's the Shen Gong Wu we've been looking for!" Beth shouted. Brittany quickly grabbed it. "And it's not tacky!" Beth added.

Brittany got up and brushed the sand off her bare knees. "I'm going to go show 'Jackie' what I found. I wonder if he'll pay me m-"

"Excuse me miss, but do you mind handing that there Shen Gong Wu over to us?" Spoke a masculine southern voice.

Brittany turned around to see who was talking to her. "There's no way I'm giving this to you-" She stopped yelling when she saw a certain person behind the cowboy. There was a short bald kid, a girl a little bit taller, but her eyes went straight to the Brazilian boy. "But I just might give it to that hottie behind you!" She added as she gazed at Raimundo.

Omi smiled "Why thank you very much! You are quite-"

"She was talking to me, hotshot." Raimundo interrupted.

Kimiko looked a little annoyed "Can you just give us the Shen Gong Wu so we can leave?" She asked trying not to sound mad.

"She won't! She's on my side, Kimiko! Muhahahahahaha!" Roared the voice of Jack Spicer. He was flying using his helipack. He landed a distance away from the Wudai Worriers. As soon as what Jack announced registered in the 'Xiaolin loser's' minds they jumped for the Shen Gong Wu that Brittany was holding- Raimundo was the one to reach it.

The Lore Eye began to glow and Brittany's teammate's jaws dropped. "N-no!" Beth yelled covering her face. "We're supposed to win our first showdown!"

"We are so screwed." Kristen lips twitched as she tried to hold her frown. She was overjoyed that she wasn't the one who had to fight in the Showdown.

Eden blinked a few times before she realized what was going on "Shit!" Eden shouted loudly, but strangely she was looking at her cell phone. "I missed a call…"

Though the rest of his team saw only failure in Brittany, Jack was somewhat optimistic. He grinned widely as the showdown started. Maybe Beth had upped his evil genius confidence with this whole team idea- and I'm sure the obsessive fan was good for his ego too.

"I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!" Shouted Raimundo loudly, which was very unnecessary due to the fact that Brittany was only a couple of feet away from him.

Brittany blinked a few times "I know we just met, but what the heck? Sure!" She didn't _quite _understand what he had meant.

Raimundo was silent for a few seconds as he tried to figure out what Brittany had implied. "So I'm guessing that's a yes? Ok, the game is- um, a race! First one across the beach wins!"

"A race?" Brittany repeated, still unclear on what was really going on around her.

"Yes, a race! It's called a Xiaolin Showdown! It's like a game!" Beth's irritating voice shouted.

"And you better win it!" Jack added fiercely.

"Like she could." Raimundo remarked under his breath. "I wager my Lotus Twister." He announced as he pulled out the flower shaped Shen Gong Wu.

Brittany just stared at the boy; she was very confused at this point. This is when something clicked in Jack's evil genius head- he had the Golden Tiger Claws. "Brittany, wager this!" He shouted as he threw the Shen Gong Wu to her. She ducked and covered her head with her hands. The Golden Tiger Claws landed at her feet.

"What, are you freakin' crazy?" Brittany yelled furiously at Jack. She then remembered who was standing in front of her- a hot guy. "Um… Ha-ha! Just kidding, Jackie! Try and be a bit more careful next time…?" She faked a smile as she said this and swiftly picked up the Golden Tiger Claws. Even though she said she was kidding, Jack still looked terrified.

But his terrified face wasn't in the same league as Raimundo's stunned expression. He had forgotten Jack had the Golden Tiger Claws. This is when he knew he'd already lost.

"So can we, please, start this thing now?" Brittany asked Raimundo sweetly. As soon as she said this the ground began to shake and rise away from the water. Once the area had settled all you could see was sand and the now bleak sky. The Wudai Worriers, Jack, and the rest of Jack's team all stood on the sidelines watching.

"Gong Yi Tempai!" Raimundo shouted.

Brittany was slowly picking up what the situation around her was. So after Raimundo shouted this she yelled "Gong the tam… pie?" And thus the showdown started. "This is so beyond retarded." She mumbled under her breath.

Raimundo called out the name of his Shen Gong Wu and his legs grew long and rubbery. He ran taking giant steps across the beach while Brittany just stood there gasping at the now extremely tall Raimundo. "Use the Golden Tiger Claws!" Beth and Jack repeatedly shrieked from the sidelines, but Brittany just stood there dumbfounded.

"I knew she was going to lose; she's so useless." Kristen said as she watched Brittany stand still.

"Oh, it was only Cole that called! I don't care about Cole! So what'd I miss?" Eden asked happily to the band of certain losers. They all sent her crossed looks which indicated that _maybe_ she had missed something important. Suddenly the showdown ended and all their eyes shot to see who won- even though they had a good idea who had won.

They all were shocked to see Brittany holding all three Shen Gong Wu when the arena went back to the regular beach. "S-she won?" Jack whispered. "I knew it! My team is the greatest! Muhahahahahaha-"

Brittany made her way back to Jack and the others, when she finally reached them the Wudai Worriers had already left. "What took you so long? I thought we were going to lose for sure!" Beth shouted.

Brittany didn't say anything for a few moments, and then she began to laugh nervously "Ha-ha! I, uh, knew you guys would fall for it! I was only trying to, um, freak you guys out! Yeah, and I knew that they were called the Golden Tiger Claws the entire time! You all are such losers!"

"What the hell are you all talking about? And what the hell just happened?" Eden bluntly asked. "I was on my phone then everything went all- big! Then everything went all- not big again!"

"You have quite the vocabulary." Kristen sarcastically said. "We got the stupid Shen Gong Wu, or whatever, so can we go now?"

"First lets see what this Wu does!" Beth suggested.

"Yeah, so what's the name of it again?" Jack asked.

Beth was silent "Um, I don't know…. O-oh-oh em gee! How could I b-betray you like this? I'm supposed to h-help you but I can't even tell you the name of a Shen Gong Wu!" Beth then flopped down on her knees and continued to cry hysterically.

"Oh my god! Yes! Yes! I won a race! And there was this uber hot guy!" Brittany was now on her cell phone bragging about how she won the showdown and to a hot guy!

"Jack, ok, I need to ask you this," Eden began as she approached Jack. "Are you, like, a drug addict? You have pale white skin, red eyes, you're super thin, and spend most of you're time in a basement!"

"I'm not on drugs!" Jack yelled to Eden.

Between Beth's crying, Brittany's extremely annoying conversation, and Eden and Jack's yelling Kristen was getting a throbbing headache.

"And he was _so_ hot! Did I mention that?"

"And how do you get all those crazy ideas for robots, huh? Druggy!"

"I'm so sorry, Jackie! I wish I could have helped you!"

"I am NOT on drugs!"

And to top it off Kristen was still on a beach. "Will you all just shut-up! We are leaving now!" After Kristen yelled this everyone was quiet, but they were all giving her looks as if she was crazy.

"Well I guess the queen of death is right. Anyway, I wanna go shopping with my friends to celebrate my victory!"

So they all used the Golden Tiger Claws and left, but not without Eden yelling "Druggy!" one more time at Jack….

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Please review! I'll update sooner if I get more reviews! And thanks for reading!


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